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Holidays are when family and close friends gather together to make memories, enjoy delicious meals, hug those you haven’t seen in way-to-long and give thanks for all of those special moments in time. Oh… and don’t forget the presents!!
We want to make the experiences memorable if we are celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas or New Year’s., etc. But just as you prepare by sprucing up your home, preparing special foods or buying presents, you also have to prepare if you have a loved one with some form of dementia.
The specific form of dementia can vary from Alzheimer’s Disease to Parkinson’s to Lewy Body Dementia to Frontotemporal Degeneration to early memory loss issues. But specific plans should be in place so not only the patient can enjoy the celebration, but the adults and children in the family can as well.
Here are a few things for you to think about as you prepare for any of your holiday gatherings. Remember each dementia person’s needs are different and adjustments should be made to accommodate those needs.
If you are celebrating in a home setting, make sure you are NOT taking the PWD (Person with Dementia ) to the home where he last lived or even where he grew up. You may have great difficulty when it’s time to leave.
Make sure you prepare your guests for what they might see and hear during the
celebration. A group text or email would be great.
Excited children, active dogs, football games on TV and loud noises/conversations can be very difficult for a PWD to tolerate. Make sure she has some quiet, down time away from the larger group to relax and maybe take a nap.
Consider decreasing the size of your guest list for dinner. If Dad leaves right after dinner, the other “regular” guests might come for dessert or turkey sandwiches.
Another alternative, have Dad come just for hors d’oeuvres or dessert before you take him back to his residential community. He will probably have had his holiday meal at noon.
If Dad is living in a memory care community and it would be difficult for him to leave, perhaps you have dinner with him at noon and plan your family meal for later in the day.
If Mom is joining you, you might prepare a plate for her rather than having her go
through a buffet line where so much food could be overwhelming for her. If so, please do not cut her food for her while her plate is in front of her… she’s not a child. Do that task prior to bringing her plate to the table. Also, don’t’ overload her plate.
Where a PWD sits is important. Seating Grandpa at the end of the table means he can see everyone in the group and that can be overwhelming. Also placing him in the middle of a long table means he is being bombarded with conversations all around him. That is distracting and can be very upsetting for him, consequently he may not eat at all. Have him sit at the side of the table next to the end seat. His field of vision will be smaller, and it will be easier for him to concentrate on conversations.
Make sure you have Grandma’s favorite food for her, even if no one else in the group is eating that particular dish. She might truly enjoy just having dessert, her favorite cinnamon oatmeal or a “Fluffer-Nutter” sandwich!
When it’s time for the PWD to leave, don’t make her stay longer because it would be inconvenient for someone to leave the party and return her to her residential community. Plan for that in advance with someone agreeing to take Grandma to her residential home when she is ready to go.
Having old photographs in an album or on an iPad can be a good activity for the PWD to sit with grandchildren and talk about the good ol’days. Grandma may not recognize more current photos if her memory loss is a symptom of her dementia.
Every dementia person’s physical and cognitive situations are different… because each person is unique. Just like all of us. If you know your loved one well and take time to think through what will be best for him/her, then the celebrations can be fun, exciting and memorable. Don’t wait till the last minute to take the necessary steps so everyone attending can enjoy the festivities.
Please feel free to contact me if I can be of further assistance to your family.
Doreen C. Putnam, Certified Dementia Practitioner
CDP®, CADDCT®, CMDCP®, CIPG
DCPutnam Consulting, Murrysville, PA
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